Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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