i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
