Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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