Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
