hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
