he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize