Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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