I want to have your abortion
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
