I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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