Just cropdusted the office
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize