he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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