Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
