i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
