you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
