I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize