i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
