Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
