you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize