The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
