Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
