Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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