The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
