brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
