Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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