So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
