Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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