You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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