She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
