The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
did i just pee glitter
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
