how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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