ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
