how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
