just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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