bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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