shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
