It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we made out on top of his cat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont even know how to be here
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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