I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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