Me. At least after what I've been through.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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