i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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