Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
