It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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