for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize