Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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