And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
