11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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