I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
