Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
