i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
