I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
