oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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