There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
