I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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