does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
