Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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