break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
