hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
