i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
