I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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