Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
