your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
