no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
