You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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