i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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