i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
