Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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