he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
