It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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