need another drink. this is the easiest way
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
