Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize