i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
