Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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