Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
