Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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