you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
