yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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