I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
