well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
