so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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