no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
