You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
