Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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