I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm at about main and main street
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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