I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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