omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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