we have pet lesbian snakes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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