The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize