Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
