Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
