they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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