the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
