just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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