Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
