Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
