i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
