Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize