So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
