So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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