Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
