your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
