Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The beers last night were like the tears from god
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
