Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize