Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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