I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
