I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
